I'm seeing Maggie Rogers tonight.
I'm highly anticipating the spiritual experience that will ensue -- I'll probably cry, beer in hand, dancing like a bird.
Am I the only one who gets emotionally attached to music or art or the narrative of a TV show? The other day I told Steph I was feeling a little bit emotional because (spoilers alert!!) Liam was in the hospital with an accidental coke overdose and Fiona was arrested on Shameless. Like, Kaela!! There are real things going on in the world that should evoke this sort of emotional response, but no, I get caught up in people's creations. Art, you slay my soul.
Update: I cried. Wept, really.
Maggie has the voice of a powerful fearless angel and her encore of The Sundays' "Here's Where the Story Ends" forced everyone to stand in silence, in awe of her voice.
I'm really lucky and happy to be with someone who loves music and live shows as much as I do. It's also great that this same someone doesn't get uncomfortable when snot comes running down my face and tears blur my mascara. Steph, you are the best.
I want to make music again, badly. But my brain wants me to play every instrument and sing every vocal line. And when I get in overdrive like that, I end up getting stuck and unable to start anything at all. Maybe that will all change when the ADHD gods medicate me. We will see.
In my babbling mess of tears and becoming a small sad mouse, this vulnerability arose in me. I shared with Steph how I feel like in art, I haven't been taken seriously. In a lot of things, actually, even professionally. I hate to say it but sometimes I think it's the blonde hair. When I took courses at Humber College, I had just faced a bad breakup and went all Carrie Bradshaw and dyed my hair brown. Oh, brown haired Kaela, you were fun. But one of my classmates told me point blank that she took me more seriously. That alone made me dye my hair back about a month later to prove a point. Well, that and because I looked too much like my mother it was freaking me out.
I don't want to have to be a stone cold bitch to be taken seriously. I don't want to have to be stern and tough and unapproachable. I know that at the end of the day, my work speaks volumes more than my word, and I have to rely on that. But sometimes, I think of how nice it would be to not have to defend myself so aggressively . To not have to present my own elevator pitch at all times, but I guess we all have to do that.
I know that venting will not help this, hard work will. So I'll go back to my projects, do my best to focus my superspeed brain and get sh*t done.
To the dreamers, the makers, and the hustlers, don't stop t'ill you get enough. K?