I think I've struggled with writing because the well-ish raised part of me wants to be a "proper" blogger with a pastel life and endless avocado toast. Well kids, avocados aren't even in season so how 'my gonna compete with that?
This is the kind of "blogger" that I am: one who was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD which explains the speed at which my brain works and the inability to sit le fook still. One that has SO many ideas but sometimes struggles to get them rolling. And, well, one that is just a walking disaster.
This is my reality: yesterday, I accidentally started playing footsies with a stranger in my program. When I drew attention to it as I do by saying "oh just casually playing footsies there with ya, sorry!" he did not acknowledge me. He either didn't hear me, didn't want to respond, or I was playing footsies with someone else. It really is a toss-up. Next, Jackson ate both of my Havaiana flip flops that cost me 47 million pesos. She ripped those black beauties to shreds and left little drops of plastic all over the house and in the bed. Thanks girl, you the best. THEN, Steph's brother, Andy, drank my beer that I had been saving and then later on threw one of the dumplings we were making into the POT OF HOT, BUBBLING OIL which splashed onto me and left me with gorgeous war wounds on my arm. I slept with an ice pack that night, and not even a bendy kind. Just a brick of ice.
The best part is, I wasn't mad about any of it. I think that's when you know that you're happy? Ew. Is that a thing? I love my job, I love that I'm almost a graduate (gonna pretend it's for a Masters not my BA that has taken me 6 years), I love my person, my friends, my family, and I love that I'm excited about life!!! It's taken me almost 4 years to feel this way and tasting it is like eating mochi...tender and sweet y'all.
I guess I'm writing this post to myself. To acknowledge that from the start I said Collective Chaos would be a hectic little corner of the interweb and that it's ok for it to be that way. It's reflective of my life and the happenings of my brain.
I just hope I can show her more love going forward. I hope you'll join me for more along the way.