I'm sorry I left, but I am back.
I woke up at 5am this morning to catch a flight to New York. We booked the trip after I bought Maggie Rogers tickets on a whim a few months a go. She's playing in Brooklyn tonight and, well, Steph and I will do anything for music.
This summer has been strange: I've been working a lot and learning about compromise in doing so. I got eyelash extensions and a very orangey spray-tan that I kind of loved before my trip to Italy. I put on 30 pounds and have been struggling with self-love, but haven't felt this strong in a long time. Every night, I share my bed with a beautiful person and a puppy who nuzzles herself into me and licks my eyeballs and the inside of my mouth when it's morning time. For the first time, I've gotten violently ill from a night out and still haven't recovered. And yesterday, I went back to therapy for the first time since November.
But between the internal dialogues I've had with myself over how I should be and could be, I've also enjoyed. Lobster ravioli in Sicily, the voices of friends, participating in building a table (I just bought the wood and held pieces together), and making a home with a person I love.
In a few days, I will turn 24 and my hope for this upcoming year is to sloooooowwww down so I can savour -- flavours, stories, places, moments. I genuinely hope this process begins over a slice of 'za in NYC, or when I will undoubtedly bawl my eyes out again if/when Maggie sings her cover of "Here is Where the Story Ends".
I think I might just be experiencing the period of time that comes after University and before full-fledged adulthood. This strange limbo of not knowing what the hell is going on and what you want to do or who you want to be. Guys, I got bangs the other day. If that's not enough evidence that my sense of self has been shooketh by this shift in my reality, then I don't know what is.
Anyway, we should be boarding soon.
I'm happy to be back, really. I've missed my widdle blog!
Thank you for reading.